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Fear and Grace

It seems that there are layers upon layers of fear in my path toward enlightenment. I've grown through so many fears and doubts and processing each layer of fear has been such a huge gift. It's a bit like Grace is the sweet gooey center wrapped in a gob stopper of fear.

My process has gone something like this:

1. I notice that I'm fearful or doubtful about something.
2. I quietly connect with my guides.
3. I name the fear and ask whether it is better to transform it or embrace it.
4. I quietly sense the answer and then ask the guides to help me with whichever action was recommended.

Transform It - I transform fear by asking my guides to help me shift it into my heart. I then use my hands to energetically pull the fear from my gut to my heart. Once the fear is in my heart I appreciate my self in as deep a way possible, so that the electromagnetic frequency of my heart will be in the "coherent - positive emotion" range and this shifts my entire vibration to loving coherence from fearful incoherence.

Embrace It - I embrace my fear by wallowing in it for a bit. I choose to amplify and exagerate the feeling so that I can explore it and understand it. This can take several hours or even a few days. It's scary because once I surrender and dive into my fear I feel like it will consume me completely. But here's the really interesting thing... somewhere in the pits of my own despair I find Grace. I find love, light, and healing down in the darkness.

It is this Grace, this sweetness that I long for at all times. This is what drives me to continue to grow and learn. This is what drives me to be deeply present to my fear, my doubt, my anger, or whatever negative emotional experience might come up in the course of every day living. In some ways I think of myself as a warrior, ever on the quest for a new deamon to slay so that I can revel in the healing and release.

Now that I've intellectualized about my fear (thereby Avoiding processing it) for a few paragraphs. Let me begin to embrace my fear by exposing some of it here.

For three consecutive full moons, I spent 3 evenings feeling wakeful and deeply connected with the Divine Mother, Gaia. During these times I had the experience of chatting with her and hearing her responses as words in my mind. (I often have an internal dialogue with my spirit guides - Pan, Michael, and others). During these conversations Gaia asked me to do several things for her, which I have done. Those include starting a Facebook group called Gaia Rising, planning and hosting monthly phone dialogues for Gaia Rising, and the like.

These evenings were fun and magical and made me feel very special. But on another level, and from another view, I was experiencing insomnia. After three days with much too little sleep a person looses the ability to do regular daily activities... like driving a car or going to work. Only I was feeling good and I didn't realize that I was lacking in those capacities until after getting a little bit of a scare. Thankfully there were no car wrecks, no one got hurt, no jobs were lost... but it was scary because for a few hours I felt out of control.

It made me feel a little crazy. It made my husband wonder. And that called up for me the biggest wound from my current life. In 1995 I lost my mind. I was 20 and I delved very deeply into the expansion of my consciousness. I invited and experienced a number of psychic gifts including telepathy, clairvoyance, clairaudience, etc. But I was doing all that in the most unhealthy ways possible. I was not getting enough food, rest, sunshine, or excercise and I was experimenting with substances which altered my biochemistry. For a period of several months I was really confused and unhealthy. For some of those months I was totally flipping mad. I was insane.

Thank Goddess for my parents who put me in a hospital and got me the help I needed. And thank Goddess for the nurse at the hospital who told me that they weren't interested in changing my spirituallity, they just wanted to make sure that I could take care of my basic needs - like food, shelter, clothing, and interacting with regular people in a regular way. And thank Goddess that I told my husband all about this on our very first date and he fell in love with me anyway.

But ever since then I've had a quantum entanglement between spirituality and sanity. I have predicted plane crashes, heard people's thoughts as if they were speaking outloud, and seen beyond that which is considered ordinary. And I've always wanted to possess these abilities... but for some unfortunate reason on several occassions when my psychic abilities have expanded, it has resulted in my appearing to be, temporarily, completely batty.

With the exception of about 5 hours, I've felt solidly sane for the past 15 years. Yet the scar tissue is immensely out of proportion. While I'm certain that I'm sane, I am fearful that additional spiritual growth might result in me appearing to be temporarily insane again. It puts me right to the place of WHAT IFs. What if I really am crazy? What if I lose everything I care about? What if I lose my job and my family and become homeless and smelly?

And then the other side of me weighs in:

How did you imagine this would look? You believe that all people can expand their consciousness and develop higher sense perception. You have invited this exploration into your life, since childhood. You've spent your entire life experimenting with your consciousness. Your favorite conversations are made of these very topics. Which would be scarier? Waking up to realize that we're all growing these abilities, or waking up and realizing that there is no magic at all?

And with no true sense of resolution I prepare to publish this blog post. I notice that it is scary to be authentic and vulnerable. Yet I press 'publish' with deep trust that my guides would not steer me astray by encouraging me to show this aspect of myself to you.

Guru, Teacher, or Servant?

In this time of unprecedented change there are countless beings offering up guidance and support. Every person frames their particular offerings differently. There are thousands upon thousands of gurus, teachers, priests, reverends, swamis, yoginis, authors, etc. I like to think that the reason for this flourishing path is that there is more love and light flooding the planet now than in a long time. As each of us learns and grows we reach that precious moment when our focus turns from personal growth and healing to the growth and healing of those around us.

In my book, The Transpiral Model for Social Change, I describe the relationship between personal transformation and social transformation. In brief, you can't change yourself without affecting change in your family, community, and society. And any changes occurring in your family, community, and society also affect change on you personally. We call that "circular causality".

Only you can judge whether or not someone is qualified to teach or guide you through some aspect of your growth and healing. Sai Maa Devi Lakshmi says that the grace of a guru can take you deeper. She explains that a guru holds the frequency of the 5th dimension and that by being in the guru's presence, the student can experience higher frequencies of being and knowing. As a student, only you can determine whether or not the guru produces this kind of tranformative effect on your awareness, both in the moment and over time.

Teachers generally have a set curriculum including models, tools, and practices which are designed for personal growth and healing. Teaching arrangements span from short term to long term and can be one on one or in group settings. Teachers don't appear to promise as much as a guru, but in some cases perhaps they deliver more. Again, only you can judge whether or not engaging with some teacher is going to deepen your natural ability for self healing and growth.

I've long considered these questions for myself. In some paths the Master is the only access point a student has with the divine. In other paths the student learns to speak with the divine for him/her self. Personally I've resonnated with the latter. Over the course of my path I've created relationships with guides and teachers who are on the other side. I call them by the name "The Council of Light". To me, they inlcude beings like the Archangels, Gaia, Jesus, Pan, and the Nature Spirits. The more I surrender my limited self view in order to share understanding with the Council, the more guidance I recieve. My relationship is collaborative and dialogic. I ever maintain free-will. I ask the Council for advice and guidance and then I choose whether to heed the advice or make a new choice.

It has been a very rich relationship over the past 3-4 years which has resulted in very deep healing for myself. While there will always be room to improve myself, of late I'm called to offer support for others who long for self-healing. In my professional career I'm a trainer, facilitator, and organizer of people into groups. When my focus turned from self to others I offered up all my skills and compassion to the Council of Light. The word I use to describe myself is not teacher or guru, or any of the afore mentioned titles. I am a SERVANT. I serve the Council of Light. I serve the emergence of love and light. And I serve anyone who is inviting love and light to emerge in their own lives. In an upcoming post I'll explain the kinds of services I've been called to offer. I'll also elaborate on how I've been guided to release the need to recieve monetary compensation for those services.

Humbly serving Love and Light, ~Tree

Loosing My Religion

I lost my religion and my virginity in 1991 when I was 16. My parents were the sort of Christians who preferred camping and fishing to church. But I was very curious, so when I was 8 I began attending Emmanual Baptist Church in Blackwell, Oklahoma. I was a very devoted Christian with a deep sense of mission and purpose. When I turned 16 and chose to engage in an intimate relationship it sparked for me a spiritual crisis. Pre-marital sex was definitely a sin. It was the year that the band R.E.M. released the song Losing My Religion. The song moved me deeply. I performed an interpretive dance to the song at the state winterguard contest with a black flag and a black flowing dress.

In 1992 I was picked to join People to People Youth Science Exchange. We were to go to a major world environmental summit in Brazil. I diligently raised money so that I could go and experience the Amazon Rain Forest. Near the time to take the trip I was notified by the organization that it was too dangerous for a group of American teens to go to Brazil due to an increase of violent attacks against Americans in the region at that time. I was heartbroken, even though there was still promise of a rain forest experience as they replaced the plan with three weeks in Hawaii.

Upon arriving in Hawaii I was 17 years old and engaged to the young man with whom I'd been having that intimate relationship of which I spoke. I was beautiful and bright and very extroverted. There were three adult chaperones and approximately 20 young people from the US and Puerto Rico. Within a matter of a few days I found myself very attracted to a young man, but perhaps more importantly, very attracted to all the possibilities represented by a group of intelligent young people. Pretty soon I was deeply conflicted about the path I'd chosen. If I married the boy in my small home town I was certain that my path through life would be somehow limited and diminushed in comparison to the sense of expansive possibilities that these other kids were representing.

It was the only time in my life that I ever considered suicide. I would rather have died than to break his dear heart. Luckily I was clever enough to know that the bottle of ibuprophen in my suitcase would not be an effective out. The meds in my roomate's bag were equally useless. One day we were at a beautiful scenic overlook site. I think we were looking down on Oahu's North Shore, but I'm not certain. As I stood on the edge of the precipice I considered jumping. I felt deep energetic ebbs and swirls and felt as if part of myself did infact jump. I remember watching this imaginary self plummeting over the edge and slamming against rocks and ledges over several minutes. I could envision the black shadow which would be cast upon the day and the memory. I looked around and saw the families and the other kids from my group and I watched as their amazing Hawaiian experience turned into a horror.

And I couldn't do it. It would have been so damned selfish of me to kill myself like that. So I rushed back onto the bus and sat in the back and cried.

It was a most amazing three weeks. Each day was filled with activities designed to help us sink our teeth into science as well as the Hawaiian culture. It was the first time in my life that I noticed that there were religions other than Christianity. Somehow it had just never occurred to me that not everyone was Christian. But more importantly, I met the Goddess Pele. Both the scientific explorations of Hawaii and the cultural activities were centered around nature as the sacred feminine.

This made sense to me in such a deep way. It fit with what my parents had taught me before I chose to attend church. They had always said that we didn't need to go to church because God was everywhere and that when we were camping out every weekend we were celebrating God's creation.

When I was 16 I lost my religion. When I was 17 I found the Goddess. I devoted my life to the Earth Mother. But sixteen years after loosing Jesus I found him again. He was misplaced and burried under my anger at the history of Western Civilization. I have forgiven Him and the acts done in His name. Seventeen years after loosing my religion I have realized that Gaia is both the Mother of and Bride of Christ. That is why witchcraft and Christianity are no longer mutually exclusive to me.

The great divorce between Matriarchy and Patriarchy is being healed. In my heart Gaia and Jesus are developing quite the romance. And their romance is, to me, the most fundamental co-creative divine force in existence (at least in our corner of the universe).

All Hail the Newly Re-Wedded. All Hail the Bride in her green and blue gowns with white gauzy veil. All Hail the Groom whose light envelopes and impregnates the Bride. Their union is responsible for everything which exists on Earth. This is the Second Coming.

What is Interfaith Wicca?

Wicca is an earth based spirituallity. To me it's more of a spiritual practice than a religion. Wicca, also known as witch craft, falls into the category of Pagan or Neo-Pagan. The word Pagan has two primary definitions: 1. country dweller or farmer, and 2: one who worships many dieties. Wiccan practitioners usually refer to themselves as witches. Wicca and Paganism in general are very loosely organized and individuals usually practice in solitary or in a coven. Each witch has his or her own unique paradigm and rituals, however there are common threads found among all witches and Pagans.

Interfaith is simply the honoring and acceptance of all religious and spiritual traditions. Perhaps the best known Interfaith organization is the Unitarian Universalist Church. There are a number of Ecclectic Witches/Wiccans in the Pagan community. Ecclectic refers to the practice of blending mythologies, for example, honoring dieties from ancient Greece, Egypt, India, and Northern Europe. Interfaith Wicca differs from Ecclectic Wicca in one major way - Interfaith Wicca embraces Christianity as well as all other religions, mythologies, spiritualities, etc.

Why would I single out honoring Christianity as a primary difference between Interfaith Wicca and Ecclectic Wicca? To many new Wiccans and Pagans, Christianity is taboo and even the brunt of negativity and hatred. Many of the Wiccans and Pagans in Northern America and Northern Europe who chose Wicca/Paganism as adults were raised as Christians. As individuals, in our quest to find ourselves and to heal and recover from our original wounds, we often rebel against the systems and doctrine which represent the status quo. In many cases finding wholeness and health also requires differentiation from long held family beliefs. During this differentiation and rebellion many individuals develop a strong negative charge against that which they are rebelling from.

Energetically it is a natural phase in self discovery to feel hostile toward your original religious system and doctrine. Indoctrination and socialization permeate our lives. Our families and churches posess a type of gravity which pulls us into making choices which are appropriate based on that culture. When an individual chooses to differentiate from the systems in which he/she has been raised it becomes apparent how deeply pervasive that socialization was. It takes a great deal of courage and strength to break from tradition and strike out into the world to create a new identity. That energy is often experienced as a dynamic tension between the individual and the tradition, church, and or family. It is quite easy to see why, for a period of time, it would be natural to experience negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and even hatred against the old system of beliefs, against the old culture.

I believe this is why it is common that peaceful, loving Wiccans and Pagans are sometimes heard telling Christian bashing jokes. I think it is in our cultural blind spot as Pagans to accept and join in to this activity. But if we are not still in the differentiation phase of creating our own spiritual path then I think it's detrimental to our spiritual growth to be hateful toward any person, religion, dogma, etc.

God is Love. Goddess is Love. The Great Spirit is Love. The Universe is Love. Allah is Love. Buddha is Love. Interfaith Wicca, then, is the celebration and integration of any and all spiritual and religious traditions. Interfaith Wiccans honor ALL beings regardless of their beliefs, practices, creeds, genders, sexual preference, culture, etc. Interfaith Wiccans practice LOVE above all else.

Gaia

Gaia Theory
In the 1960s, British scientist James Lovelock postulated that the entire planet earth was a living system not unlike a single organism. He chose the name Gaia based on the mythological Greek earth goddess of the same name. Every aspect of the planet, both living and non-living, together comprises Gaia.

Greek Goddess Gaia
To ancient Greeks, the land was a living feminine entity known as Gaia. This sentiment prevails throughout the world and a number of cultures and traditions view Nature as a feminine force.

Gaia Movements
There are spiritual, environmental, and personal growth groups around the planet which use the name Gaia in their titles and missions. There's a great list here.