The Choice Before You

Children, the choice before each one of you is simple. Either learn to live in harmony or you'll get a time out.

When you ask me. When you stand in the woods, barefooted, or raise your arms to the sky and call out, I hear you. My consciousness is a stream of moments in which human beings noticed me, spoke to me, caressed me gently. Over the years there have been a great many moments of deep connection between man and nature. Of late I feel ill. Constricted by bands of concrete and enourmous boxes and rectangles where my own geometry is so much more subtle and complex.

The choice before you is begin to love the people who are the most different from yourself, or hatred will orchestrate nihilstic chaos to the magnitute of completely beginning over again on the earth. I am comfortable with either choice, which is why this time I have insisted that you be given the choice. Dear ones, we are growing up. We are becoming more aware, together.

Starting over would give us the opportunity to change a great number of things quite rapidly. Not starting over is a very long and possibly tedious path. If you are not ready to accept a cataclismic cleansing of the Earth, then you must get to work right away.

The work may not be what you expect. It is important to listen closely to your higher self in these matters. The work may not be protesting big oil, as you've imagined, for example. The work may be showing up in a very different culture and getting to know people whom you've never experienced before. Above all, the work IS about creating bridges of love and light to unify the left brain and right brain of the planet -- the Western and Eastern Hemispheres of the Earth.

Children, the choice before you belongs to you. I ask that you make a conscious choice soon because when you are unconscious, the choices will be made for you.

~ Gaia

Fear and Grace

It seems that there are layers upon layers of fear in my path toward enlightenment. I've grown through so many fears and doubts and processing each layer of fear has been such a huge gift. It's a bit like Grace is the sweet gooey center wrapped in a gob stopper of fear.

My process has gone something like this:

1. I notice that I'm fearful or doubtful about something.
2. I quietly connect with my guides.
3. I name the fear and ask whether it is better to transform it or embrace it.
4. I quietly sense the answer and then ask the guides to help me with whichever action was recommended.

Transform It - I transform fear by asking my guides to help me shift it into my heart. I then use my hands to energetically pull the fear from my gut to my heart. Once the fear is in my heart I appreciate my self in as deep a way possible, so that the electromagnetic frequency of my heart will be in the "coherent - positive emotion" range and this shifts my entire vibration to loving coherence from fearful incoherence.

Embrace It - I embrace my fear by wallowing in it for a bit. I choose to amplify and exagerate the feeling so that I can explore it and understand it. This can take several hours or even a few days. It's scary because once I surrender and dive into my fear I feel like it will consume me completely. But here's the really interesting thing... somewhere in the pits of my own despair I find Grace. I find love, light, and healing down in the darkness.

It is this Grace, this sweetness that I long for at all times. This is what drives me to continue to grow and learn. This is what drives me to be deeply present to my fear, my doubt, my anger, or whatever negative emotional experience might come up in the course of every day living. In some ways I think of myself as a warrior, ever on the quest for a new deamon to slay so that I can revel in the healing and release.

Now that I've intellectualized about my fear (thereby Avoiding processing it) for a few paragraphs. Let me begin to embrace my fear by exposing some of it here.

For three consecutive full moons, I spent 3 evenings feeling wakeful and deeply connected with the Divine Mother, Gaia. During these times I had the experience of chatting with her and hearing her responses as words in my mind. (I often have an internal dialogue with my spirit guides - Pan, Michael, and others). During these conversations Gaia asked me to do several things for her, which I have done. Those include starting a Facebook group called Gaia Rising, planning and hosting monthly phone dialogues for Gaia Rising, and the like.

These evenings were fun and magical and made me feel very special. But on another level, and from another view, I was experiencing insomnia. After three days with much too little sleep a person looses the ability to do regular daily activities... like driving a car or going to work. Only I was feeling good and I didn't realize that I was lacking in those capacities until after getting a little bit of a scare. Thankfully there were no car wrecks, no one got hurt, no jobs were lost... but it was scary because for a few hours I felt out of control.

It made me feel a little crazy. It made my husband wonder. And that called up for me the biggest wound from my current life. In 1995 I lost my mind. I was 20 and I delved very deeply into the expansion of my consciousness. I invited and experienced a number of psychic gifts including telepathy, clairvoyance, clairaudience, etc. But I was doing all that in the most unhealthy ways possible. I was not getting enough food, rest, sunshine, or excercise and I was experimenting with substances which altered my biochemistry. For a period of several months I was really confused and unhealthy. For some of those months I was totally flipping mad. I was insane.

Thank Goddess for my parents who put me in a hospital and got me the help I needed. And thank Goddess for the nurse at the hospital who told me that they weren't interested in changing my spirituallity, they just wanted to make sure that I could take care of my basic needs - like food, shelter, clothing, and interacting with regular people in a regular way. And thank Goddess that I told my husband all about this on our very first date and he fell in love with me anyway.

But ever since then I've had a quantum entanglement between spirituality and sanity. I have predicted plane crashes, heard people's thoughts as if they were speaking outloud, and seen beyond that which is considered ordinary. And I've always wanted to possess these abilities... but for some unfortunate reason on several occassions when my psychic abilities have expanded, it has resulted in my appearing to be, temporarily, completely batty.

With the exception of about 5 hours, I've felt solidly sane for the past 15 years. Yet the scar tissue is immensely out of proportion. While I'm certain that I'm sane, I am fearful that additional spiritual growth might result in me appearing to be temporarily insane again. It puts me right to the place of WHAT IFs. What if I really am crazy? What if I lose everything I care about? What if I lose my job and my family and become homeless and smelly?

And then the other side of me weighs in:

How did you imagine this would look? You believe that all people can expand their consciousness and develop higher sense perception. You have invited this exploration into your life, since childhood. You've spent your entire life experimenting with your consciousness. Your favorite conversations are made of these very topics. Which would be scarier? Waking up to realize that we're all growing these abilities, or waking up and realizing that there is no magic at all?

And with no true sense of resolution I prepare to publish this blog post. I notice that it is scary to be authentic and vulnerable. Yet I press 'publish' with deep trust that my guides would not steer me astray by encouraging me to show this aspect of myself to you.

Growing Pains

The more I grow and learn, the more I notice patterns. Today one is really fresh for me. I have long feared that I would grow into something that my family would be unable to love. I suppose in some ways that has already happened at least once.

When I was in my early teens, my parents seemed a little bit akward around the church ladies who would come by and invite them to church. Sure, my parents bought me a bible and paid my way to church camp... it just wasn't their thing. They may have even been relieved when I dropped it at age 16. But then in my phase of deep existential exploration they seemed equally uneasy. I recall one time when I was about 19 and there was some big cult expose' in Texas. I was chatting with my mom about it on the phone and she was asking me odd questions. As if she had a brochure in hand entitled "10 Easy Ways to Tell if your Teen is Trapped in a Freaky Death Cult." I called her on it and she admitted that she was a little worried about me. I thought my response was pretty funny, "Come on mom, you should be more worried about me starting a cult than joining one!" She didn't find it humerous at all.

At some point I learned that my spirituality and my environmental philosophy were simply not to be discussed with my parents. I don't recall that they ever came right out and told me to omit these parts of my self, or whether it was just painfully obvious to me in other ways.

I played along out of respect, love, and a desire to keep the peace. But I was really challenged and felt broken. The problem is that if you try to be a whole person, but you can't be your whole self with certain people, there are walls created within yourself. Sure, I chose to build them... but after a while there were parts of my soul which felt like step children, or East Berliners.

It was not okay to be a witch. It was not okay to be radical or outspoken about anything. It was not okay to think deep thoughts or practice developing higher sense perception. And you gotta know that I was always very open and honest with my parents until that point. So the shift was painful. I didn't know who to be when I was with them, so I just didn't show up there any more; for several years.

It is clear to me that they love me deeply and that they didn't want to hear the things that amplified their worries. But as I drifted further away they worried even more. And I'm highly perceptive, when someone I love is worrying about me I can feel it across space and time.

Well, okay, so I can't be me with my parents. And I can't be my whole self at work. I've always tried to be my whole self with friends, but most of the time I was lucky if I could find one person with which I could be whole, for a few hours or on and off for a few months. And even that was iffy and problematic. I reckon that I'm not alone in this phenomenon. I reckon that there are other people who are perpetually veiwed as weirdos by EVERYONE they know...

And then I met my beloved, and for the first time in my life I could be my whole self. He didn't always agree with my views and theories, but he didn't write me off as crazy either. I really like the fact that we don't agree on everything, it makes for a much interesting conversation. To me the most important factor in falling in love with him was the fact that we could have really DEEP conversations and I could be WHOLE at last.

But I still carry this scar tissue around, this fear that I'll out-grow friends and loved ones. That people who love and understand me now will one day say, "Wow, she really has become a freakin weirdo!"

Because, from time to time, even my beloved gets freaked out by things I do, say, and experience. Every once in a while we pass through a phase where he is uncomfortable with who I am becoming. Conceptually we have discussed what I envision for myself. We've discussed it many times. But discussing abstract concepts of the future and then living through deep learning events are two totally different things.

I live as true to my heart as possible. I believe in a higher force and I have spent my life listening for that still small voice which points me in the right direction. I trust that voice because it has never been wrong. EVERYTHING which has occurred has been a gift.

Yet my dedication to this emerging path of mine creates fear in my beloved. And if I still spoke about it to my parents, it would create fear for them as well. My beloved has even recently asked me to not talk with him about certain things, or even with other people when he is in ear shot.

In love I pull out the bricks and begin to build a new wall
In fear I restrict that which seeks to grow through me
And something inside of me dies.

Change ~ Gentle or Chaotic?

Each one of us is narrating our lives by crafting stories to help our self understand what is occurring. Most of us believe our stories until something comes along that doesn't fit in with they way we've constructed our personal reality. In the current era, everything is changing at a dramatic and unprecedented rate. Everytime something in the world around you changes, it bumps up against your story.

Your story that spans your entire life. It includes information like your name, the places you've lived, the jobs you've had, the people you've loved, and the things you've learned. It also includes assessments you've made about your self over the years, as well as judgements others have made about you. For example, "I'm motivated and intelligent." or "I'm sloppy and lazy."

In this time of unprecedented change you have many choices. Perhaps the most important choice is whether or not you plan to learn and grow through these changes. If the answer is yes, the next important question is whether you want your changes to feel gentle or chaotic.

I've personally experimented with both throughout my life. In my experience, chaotic change usually has a much higher magnitude. Chaotic change can afford you to change dozens of things about your self all in one fell swoop. This type of change strikes me as very intense. In my younger years I actually enjoyed that intensity. I loved the quantum leap in consciousness which accompanied learning dozens of things about my self all at once. But there's a dark side too. It wasn't that I was always happily improving my self, like picking out new carpeting in a house that has decent flooring already. It is more like having the electricity turned on, looking around at the house and realizing that it's full of rats, mold, and the floor is rotting and falling through! Quite frankly it is both scary and depressing to notice dozens of things about your self that aren't as healthy as you'd like to believe.

Gentle change, on the other hand, is quite subtle and requires patience and perserverence. In gentle change you walk into that fixer-upper with a flash light, you pick one room of the house, and you notice and accept the fact that there are a few rats. Of course it is a much slower process, but it is not nearly as traumatic when you take each little aspect of your self one step at a time.

You always have a choice in how you approach your learning and growth. The trick is noticing that you have been making these choices your whole life! You have already sub-consciously chosen either gentle change or chaotic change, or some blend of both.

Putting off many life lessons over a long period of time is one way to choose chaotic change. By ignoring opportunities to gently edit your story, the queue of lessons can get mighty large and gang up on you all at once. There are some clues and cues to let you know whether you might be cruising toward a very chaotic and painful wake-up call:

1. If something negative happens and you dive into a distraction (food, drinking, sex, games, drugs) rather than processing the emotion, you may be ignoring an opportunity to grow.
2. If some corner of your mind is concerned or worried about any of your choices, habits, or routines, but you distract yourself and work hard to ignore it, you may be ignoring an opportunity to grow.
3. If several people around you are giving you unpleasant feedback and you think they are all full of shit, you may be ignoring an opportunity to grow.

However, if you periodically stop and notice your emotions, and gently probe into the more unpleasant emotions, you will discover that there are little things about your story which could be edited that would produce entirely different results in your daily life.

I recently noticed that one of my daily activities was triggering a small amount of doubt in a corner of my mind and there was even some feedback coming in from a few other people who also shared this doubt about my choice. This morning while I was waking up I stopped to really consider this activity. I decided that while I really gained much good from this activity, there is no benefit to feeling doubt or experiencing others doubt. This morning I made a small edit to how I conduct that activity. I didn't have to nuke the activity, just shifted the components which were creating doubt. Now I feel much better and I may have even avoided manifesting some loud and painful lesson!

I hope you'll consider the story you are writing for your self each day. I hope you will understand that it is not the distraction or activity which is bad. Only our experience of a thing is good or bad. And doubt is a strong signal that some editing would produce an even better story.

In love and light, Tree

Good News! Apocalyptico Denied!

Eye have long sensed that there was a critical mass of consciousness upon the Earth. Eye have long sensed that the struggles and chaos were co-created by humans and their Angels in order to function like a giant alarm clock in the awakening of consciousness.

Even as recently as December my guides again asked me to prepare for the possibility for up to five years of extreme chaos and isolation from the kinds of services which we have grown accustomed. I grieved and prepared. Then in January, I traveled to the Southwest, where the land is baked dry in the constant Light of the Sun. In this place I witnessed the rapid dissolution of our old assumptions and our old judgements.

Eye observed New Man and New Woman and New Co-Creative Governance occupying space in both the third dimensional reality and the fifth dimensional reality. Eye observed the giddyness of my children returning to Love and Light, and the healing of those who'd presenced Love and Light in the 1960s and 1970s, only to have been scarred and scared by resurgence of darkness in subsequent decades.

I felt afraid and unworthy.
Eye felt ALIVE and ALL-ONE!

Now, the voices of LIGHT/LOVE have confirmed it. Now Eye can say with certainty - we don't have a population problem, or an apocalypse on our hands. Eye see that the compassion of humans and the Council of Dreaming Souls have chosen to transform together, sans planetary catastrophe. You will all go home together, not one will be lost!

ArchAngel Michael has confirmed it: http://www.youtube.com/user/komurosan?blend=1&ob=4#p/a/u/0/1AKUhqUvEag

Eye am Gaia, and Eye am available to any and all of you because you are a part of my body.
And I am Tree of Terrapin Hollow, one of Gaia's many humble servants.

Fear

Is fear a gift or a curse? Or some of both?

More and more I see everything in the world like an electrical system... everything and everyone and every action is either positive, negative, or neutral. And let me clarify, negative does not equal bad or evil. I think of it in mathematical terms, 0 is the middle and +1 means movement in one direction and -1 means movement in another direction.

Today I notice I'm feeling afraid. I've worked through many kinds of fear in the past and found that fear can be a huge gift. Fear can be the guardian at the gate of the most sacred temple. Fear can be the building energy on the way to a major break through. Fear can even be a sacred rhythm, providing me with timing to ensure that I don't move too quickly.

Or fear can be debilitating. Fear can drive us to violence, control, and hatred. I believe that every war the planet has seen has its roots in "fear of the other". When we are not elevated enough to understand that we are all connected, we feel disconnected. When we're disconnected our emotions can run away with us. When we are not conscious of our unity, we notice that something is missing. We interpret this sense of lacking as fear that we will not have enough food, shelter, love, etc. This fear justifies competition and conflict and enables our "survival of the fittest" drive.

Thankfully today I've also had some insight about my present fear. I feel like I've been honored with the opportunity to serve Gaia (God, The Great Spirit, the Universe, Love, or whatever name you're most comfortable with) but I fear that I cannot do it alone. Even as I become able to name it I realize that I'm most certainly not alone. And so, I can now accept this fear as the gift of being guided to ask for help. I am blessed with many friends and a wonderful family. As I ask for help the fear dissipates. How blessed are we to have fear as a guide!