Layers of Consciousness and the Local Self

Pain and discomfort in the Local Self interrupts your blissful connection to your Higher Self. This sparks a spiral pattern in which the Local Self engages in self healing in order to reconnect with the infinite love of the Higher Self.

Your primary operating consciousness from child hood is the Local Self. My local self was born in 1975 under the name of Toni. Beyond the local self, and seperated by a veil for most of us, is the Higher Self. I think of my higher self as Mama Tree. In my teens I had a sense of some future version of myself which was offering loving support and guidance from beyond. In my early twenties I experienced a dawning of consciousness in which my perception took a developmental leap.

During that phase there were periods in which my consicousness expanded to that of Higher Self. You could say that for some brief periods I merged with my higher self. Many people refer to these as peak moments. Each peak moment, however brief, was pure bliss and peace. Each peak moment cleansed and healed me in such a deep way that I became hooked and began to seek these moments of enlightenment as often as possible.

As I aged I moved from having moments of being one with Higher Self to having phases of being one with Higher Self. The longer I inhabited and embodied the Higher Self in a particular phase, the more I learned about what it takes to sustain that level of consciousness. Perhaps the most important insight is that my body is a vessel and the experience of Higher Self is a powerful river of energy flowing through my vessel. In order to contain that energy for any length of time I had to purify that vessel.

Here's a plain example. When I embody the full energy of Higher Self, all sensation includes with it a direct knowledge. When I felt a tummy ache I became aware of how there were certain foods which were no longer appropriate for my body. Then the tummy ache "knocked" me out of oneness with the Higher Self because the physical pain was a Local Self issue which demanded attention and repair. Figuring out how to resolve my digestive issues was necessary in order to again merge with Higher Self.

The phases of merging with Higher Self each brought an opportunity for healing and cleansing the vessel - my body - so that the river of energy could flow through me again for a time. Each time I discovered an illness or injury I lost the Higher Self connection. It was depressing and painful because Higher Self is bathed in a sea of love. But that depression and pain propelled me into healing and recovery, and the carrot at the end of that stick is that each time I heal a wound I am again reunited with the full embodiment of my Higher Self.

It is a spiral shaped growth. I wrote about that in my book, The Transpiral Model for Social Change, which is in bad need of a revision because since writing it I've understood so much more about it!

Lately my local self is struggling in learning and adapting to a new level in my career. During the struggle, I do not embody the Higher Self. That is, I don't feel like I am large and blissful and connected to the ALL. Instead I feel really crummy and stressed.

The interesting thing is that even though I cannot embody the Higher Self, I can still connect with her perspective and engage in an internal dialogue in which I ask for and receive guidance. AND thankfully, even in my pain I can connect with Gaia's voice and continue to do the service of updating her Facebook status posts.

Here's an example from this morning. My local self writes:

I read yesterday on a church sign that "Success is often disguised as hard work." And since I'm exhausted and about to work overtime on a Sunday, I've decided: "TO HELL WITH SUCCESS!" I want to retire!

and

[Toni] is sooooo tired and overwhelmed. I feel like I've been running a race and there's no one to pass the baton to. When will it be my turn to rest?

But when I changed profiles, logged into Facebook as Gaia Rising, and connected with HER, this is the status post which comes through:

All of the challenges we face today can be transcended by simply expanding our consciousness. If your local self is struggling, gently expand to fill the space of higher self. From this vantage point, the struggle of the local self is diminushed by the infinite sea of love in which the higher self is bathed. ♥ Mama

To me, this proves that I'm still connected to the divine no matter how shitty I feel. Some days I feel like a Goddess, but most days I'm just a Newby with a life line to Goddess. And I am one grateful Newby because no matter how shitty I feel, SHE still loves me enough to talk directly to me and through me. What a gift!

With love, Toni